Somewhere in the last couple of months the joy slipped away from my Bikram practice. Fall ‘09 Teacher Training is on the horizon and money must be raised/saved. Not a natural fundraiser, (my family bought the band chocolate and softball raffle tickets) I get a headache imagining ringing doorbells, explaining Bikram, explaining TT, explaining me!
Lost in my own fears and worst case scenarios, the phone rang and an old friend was there to say exactly what I needed to hear in the only way I could hear it. “Don’t sweat the money stuff.” Right. There’s clearly enough sweat in the practice. So, with chest up and heart out, I set my intention to enJoy my practice again!
Posts Tagged ‘Teacher Training’
Joy.
Monday, June 8th, 2009Bloody Nutrition.
Wednesday, May 13th, 2009Week 1 in the Bikram studio started with nausea and ended with nausea. I took Friday off just to eat! Then on Saturday, after having a strong class I started dry heaving again. No more whining about it, I said very forcefully, “I’m so fucking pissed!” to noone in particular. Just to say to the universe, this food thing is freaking me out and I want answers and solutions, really helped. So, as my instructor rubbed my feet (mmm, grounding!) we talked about my meat cravings and by the end of the conversation I felt like I had control of the outcome. I could have sat in that place of frustration and doubt for a long time, but instead, I put out there that I was unsatisfied and the changes began to flow immediately.
At the farmers market that day, I gave the Macro Mama’s a visit just to see if I would get that deep cellular buzz going on. The food WAS delicious, AND, I wasn’t satisfied. I don’t want to eat meat for the taste of it. I mean, I became a vegetarian because somewhere in the MidWest there were cowards in helicopters slaughtering Wild Mustangs so that there would be more room for grazing cattle. How ridiculous, right? So, that first week was a lot of mental work. Coming to grips with my body. Trusting that I could eat meat responsibly and respectfully. (local local local.) More importantly, trusting that I could learn how to cook with meat safely before poisoning myself! So many questions. Which cutting board was designated the blood board?! If I leave hamburger meat in the fridge for 3 days, is it edible? The answer to that is a resounding NOOOO!
Today, I remembered that the meat diet has been a long time coming. In the 4 years that I have practiced Bikram, every time I took a “break” was because of food. An instructor told me once that he thought it was psychological. Saying that to a woman can be tricky. I immediately took him to mean that I had an eating disorder and from there all kinds of judgements and doubts surfaced. I got over it, but I did stay away from the studio for a bit. I see now that my “disorder” was lack of creative thinking. Looking to the future, my Texas family is ecstatic that I call with meat questions! I’m having a great week of practice and am experimenting with new recipes. Thankfully, it’s grilling season, so I don’t have to cook the meat inside the house!
As for the practice, on the hardest days, I thought a lot about Bikram Teacher Training and how it could very well be this hard, times 10. One week of constant discomfort in the belly, really tough practices followed by more discomfort totally fucked with my peace and my confidence. Three things propped me up when I couldn’t alone. One, recalling that when I couldn’t practice in the studio I said more than once, “Without Bikram I am Dooooomed!” Two, my very best friend, @jaynesave, showing up to 6am class knowing that she had to take her tired, worn out self home to an energetic toddler. And, three, @christopharii supporting my apparent insanity and taking charge of the grill!
A side note, there is the ongoing saga of my broke down computer which keeps me at a distance from the twitterverse and the blogosphere, but I’m keeping my chin up!
Much love to all y’all!
What is #bktt?
Monday, April 27th, 2009#bktt is a hashtag used on Twitter to follow Spring 2009 Bikram Teacher Training. Anyone can search #bktt and follow the conversation. Bikram TT is a 9-week training that usually goes all day into the night and often into the next early morning. The first practice is this afternoon and apparently it’s in a large tent. Hmmm, can’t wait for the tweets….
Adrenaline
Monday, April 27th, 2009Today is the first class of Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. Imagine Bikram Choudhury stepping into the yoga studio; it’s your first time to see him up close and in his yoga attire, there are 300 other yogis all trying not to go ga-ga over the man, and you have to complete the 90-minute series without losing your peace or your lunch!
Just thinking about it gives me jitters. What are those jitters? I used to think a little pre-game nerves was good for me, until I almost drown in my first triathalon! No kidding, the gun went off and my heart began racing way ahead of me. I didn’t even make it 50yds before my arms turned to stone. I had to turn over on my back for at least another 50yds just to keep swimming. I was pretty much devestated. I had swam everyday at 6am for months, run in sleet and snow, biked in rain and mud. What the heck was happening to me!? Adrenaline! There’s nothing to do when the adrenaline has been released but ride it out or, in my case, float it out. I can imagine that the sheer excitement of beginning the epic journey that is Bikram TT could push people from jitters to adrenaline overload. I suggest a few private Pranayama breathing before the first practice. At least there’s no gun in the Bikram TT!
Safety Dance
Thursday, April 23rd, 2009One controversy in my part of the Bikram world is instructors touching/adjusting yoginis during postures. I know of one person who says she very much exacerbated a back injury when an instructor adjusted her during class. She now has to deal with all kinds of sucky things: making doctors appts, missing work for chiropractor and PT, and losing money because health care sucks. Most sad of all, she doesn’t practice Bikram yoga anymore, because she doesn’t trust that when she tells an instructor her limits that those limits will be respected. Blegh.
I like to be adjusted in class, especially during floor bow when the instructor will pick me up off the floor by my hands and feet! Feels divine, and shows me that I have the flexibility but need to work on the strength.
So, how do instructors know when it’s ok to get all up in someone’s posture and adjust? Is there talk of this at Teacher Training?
What does your instructor know about you? Probably not much, so it’s crucial to remember that you are your best advocate in and out of the hot room. Talk to your instructor before class and remind them every class. Instructors must hear about so many injuries, fears, etc that it’s just smart to remind them about your particular situation.
If all else fails and you can’t get through to the instructor, make a scene. It’s so rare that we hear other yoginis in practice, imagine, if all of sudden, “don’t fucking touch me!” penetrated your meditation. Silent applause, someone just kept their boundaries! HoTt.
Tweet and Train?
Sunday, April 19th, 2009
tweeter from ejphoto.com
Yes! Tweet me: all about the studio, the hotel guests, can you make smoothies in your room, what are you eating, how far to the ocean, how far to Joshua Tree, and on and on on on. Bikram bodies want to know!
The only teacher training blog that I’ve read is YogaJenn’s at yogabootcamp.blogspot.com. She realizes by Day 8 that folks know about her blog and are actually following it. Later she writes just briefly about Senior Staff questioning the wisdom of blogging during training.(1) Can you truly uncover the deepest parts of yourself, attend to what you find, and communicate to the masses, all without compromising what could be incredible moments of growth? The assumption here is that a Bikram trainee is there to do some tearing down, some self destruction with the hopes that what’s left standing is a better version of her self. Which could only lead to her being a better Bikram teacher. Right? Maybe. I’m guessing that many a trainee has already hit their walls, slayed their demons and lived to train with The Boss.(2)
Tweeting, blogging, late night calls to our loved ones are inevitable precisely because Teacher Training is not boot camp.(3) The Bikram Staff should talk amongst themselves about their thoughts and reactions to the new media.(4) Then, at Teacher Training Orientation, take a minute to let folks share their concerns, assumptions, and as a class, create guidelines of respect for tweeting and blogging. I can’t wait!
1. Can’t find the post. YogaJenn, you out there…… ?
2. Bikram, not Springsteen.
3. Military plebes don’t have access to their phones, computers, friends or family during their training. But, they are paid!
4. And then tweet it.
