Week 1 in the Bikram studio started with nausea and ended with nausea. I took Friday off just to eat! Then on Saturday, after having a strong class I started dry heaving again. No more whining about it, I said very forcefully, “I’m so fucking pissed!” to noone in particular. Just to say to the universe, this food thing is freaking me out and I want answers and solutions, really helped. So, as my instructor rubbed my feet (mmm, grounding!) we talked about my meat cravings and by the end of the conversation I felt like I had control of the outcome. I could have sat in that place of frustration and doubt for a long time, but instead, I put out there that I was unsatisfied and the changes began to flow immediately.
At the farmers market that day, I gave the Macro Mama’s a visit just to see if I would get that deep cellular buzz going on. The food WAS delicious, AND, I wasn’t satisfied. I don’t want to eat meat for the taste of it. I mean, I became a vegetarian because somewhere in the MidWest there were cowards in helicopters slaughtering Wild Mustangs so that there would be more room for grazing cattle. How ridiculous, right? So, that first week was a lot of mental work. Coming to grips with my body. Trusting that I could eat meat responsibly and respectfully. (local local local.) More importantly, trusting that I could learn how to cook with meat safely before poisoning myself! So many questions. Which cutting board was designated the blood board?! If I leave hamburger meat in the fridge for 3 days, is it edible? The answer to that is a resounding NOOOO!
Today, I remembered that the meat diet has been a long time coming. In the 4 years that I have practiced Bikram, every time I took a “break” was because of food. An instructor told me once that he thought it was psychological. Saying that to a woman can be tricky. I immediately took him to mean that I had an eating disorder and from there all kinds of judgements and doubts surfaced. I got over it, but I did stay away from the studio for a bit. I see now that my “disorder” was lack of creative thinking. Looking to the future, my Texas family is ecstatic that I call with meat questions! I’m having a great week of practice and am experimenting with new recipes. Thankfully, it’s grilling season, so I don’t have to cook the meat inside the house!
As for the practice, on the hardest days, I thought a lot about Bikram Teacher Training and how it could very well be this hard, times 10. One week of constant discomfort in the belly, really tough practices followed by more discomfort totally fucked with my peace and my confidence. Three things propped me up when I couldn’t alone. One, recalling that when I couldn’t practice in the studio I said more than once, “Without Bikram I am Dooooomed!” Two, my very best friend, @jaynesave, showing up to 6am class knowing that she had to take her tired, worn out self home to an energetic toddler. And, three, @christopharii supporting my apparent insanity and taking charge of the grill!
A side note, there is the ongoing saga of my broke down computer which keeps me at a distance from the twitterverse and the blogosphere, but I’m keeping my chin up!
Much love to all y’all!
Yesterday was Day 1 back in a real live studio. There was a nice mix of regulars and fresh faces, including @jaynesave.
She and I started together to get the special price for 1-month unlimited. She was great. I don’t look around in class, so even though she was set up right next to me, I don’t know much about her poses. I do know that she stayed in the room and was really tuned in to the practice. And, she didn’t panic. There was no muttering of “fire in the brain”!
As far as my practice goes, I wasn’t surprised that I was sick to my stomach for a lot of the standing series. It was sugar rebellion. I made fresh chocolate chip cookies with walnuts the night before and proceeded to eat a dozen of them! All was well until my instructor gave me some verbal encouragement during 2nd set of Ustrasana / Camel and I complied only to come out to the very certain feeling that I was going to vomit. Jumped up, thought for like a split second, that maybe it would pass, and then sprinted to the bathroom to puke out all the liquid I had consumed in the last 3 hours. Washed my mouth out, splashed water on my face and hustled back to class in time for 1st set of Janushirasana with Paschimottanasana. Missed Sasangasana / Rabbit which is a total bummer because it’s my hardest of the floor series. Finished up strong and my instructor said after Khapalbhati / Blowing in firm that we had a spirited class. Indeed.
#bktt is a hashtag used on Twitter to follow Spring 2009 Bikram Teacher Training. Anyone can search #bktt and follow the conversation. Bikram TT is a 9-week training that usually goes all day into the night and often into the next early morning. The first practice is this afternoon and apparently it’s in a large tent. Hmmm, can’t wait for the tweets….
Today is the first class of Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. Imagine Bikram Choudhury stepping into the yoga studio; it’s your first time to see him up close and in his yoga attire, there are 300 other yogis all trying not to go ga-ga over the man, and you have to complete the 90-minute series without losing your peace or your lunch!
Just thinking about it gives me jitters. What are those jitters? I used to think a little pre-game nerves was good for me, until I almost drown in my first triathalon! No kidding, the gun went off and my heart began racing way ahead of me. I didn’t even make it 50yds before my arms turned to stone. I had to turn over on my back for at least another 50yds just to keep swimming. I was pretty much devestated. I had swam everyday at 6am for months, run in sleet and snow, biked in rain and mud. What the heck was happening to me!? Adrenaline! There’s nothing to do when the adrenaline has been released but ride it out or, in my case, float it out. I can imagine that the sheer excitement of beginning the epic journey that is Bikram TT could push people from jitters to adrenaline overload. I suggest a few private Pranayama breathing before the first practice. At least there’s no gun in the Bikram TT!
One controversy in my part of the Bikram world is instructors touching/adjusting yoginis during postures. I know of one person who says she very much exacerbated a back injury when an instructor adjusted her during class. She now has to deal with all kinds of sucky things: making doctors appts, missing work for chiropractor and PT, and losing money because health care sucks. Most sad of all, she doesn’t practice Bikram yoga anymore, because she doesn’t trust that when she tells an instructor her limits that those limits will be respected. Blegh.
I like to be adjusted in class, especially during floor bow when the instructor will pick me up off the floor by my hands and feet! Feels divine, and shows me that I have the flexibility but need to work on the strength.
So, how do instructors know when it’s ok to get all up in someone’s posture and adjust? Is there talk of this at Teacher Training?
What does your instructor know about you? Probably not much, so it’s crucial to remember that you are your best advocate in and out of the hot room. Talk to your instructor before class and remind them every class. Instructors must hear about so many injuries, fears, etc that it’s just smart to remind them about your particular situation.
If all else fails and you can’t get through to the instructor, make a scene. It’s so rare that we hear other yoginis in practice, imagine, if all of sudden, “don’t fucking touch me!” penetrated your meditation. Silent applause, someone just kept their boundaries! HoTt.
When I can’t have one more bowl of miso I can usually make a meal from 3 of my favorite ingredients. Spinach and tofu are especially good for the body during dry conditions, such as Palm Desert Bikram dry conditions. And the chickpea has more iron than other legumes. Enjoy.
Ingredients:
- 1/2 block firm tofu
- 1/2 bunch fresh spinach (thoroughly rinsed)
- 1 cup chickpeas soaked, boiled and dried (avoid canned if possible)
- 3 scallions, chopped
- 1 tbsp chopped garlic
- 1 tbsp chopped ginger
- 3 tbsp sweet and tangy sauce
- 1 tbsp thai chili paste
- 2 tbsp sesame oil
- 1/2 tbsp sugar
- soy sauce
- fresh ground pepper
- cilantro for garnish
- 1/4 cup chopped toasted walnuts for garnish
Method:
Toast walnuts till redish brown, the longer the better, but do not burn. Set aside.
Press 1/2 block tofu, cube tofu and cover with 3tbsp sweet & tangy sauce.
Sauté in a large non-stick frying pan 1tbsp each of garlic and ginger in a generous amount of sesame oil (about 2-3tbsp) for about 2 minutes. Increase to medium-high heat.
Add sauced tofu and a little less than 1 tbsp. thai roasted red chili paste. Fry on medium-high heat for a minute. Stir constantly.
Add 1cup chickpeas. Continue stirring and frying for another minute.
Sprinkle 1/2 tbsp sugar on top. And stir in. Grind fresh black pepper on top. Continue stirring and frying for another minute.
Add 3 scallions. (save some for garnish) Continue stirring and frying for another minute.
Add a few dashes of soy sauce on top. Stir.
Add 1/2 bunch spinach on top and let wilt. Shake fry pan to prevent sticking.When spinach is wilted, stir into the mix evenly, fry for a minute. Remove from heat.
Garnish with cilantro to taste (i like a lot), chopped scallions, and toasted walnuts.
Serve HOtT.
tweeter from ejphoto.com
Yes! Tweet me: all about the studio, the hotel guests, can you make smoothies in your room, what are you eating, how far to the ocean, how far to Joshua Tree, and on and on on on. Bikram bodies want to know!
The only teacher training blog that I’ve read is YogaJenn’s at yogabootcamp.blogspot.com. She realizes by Day 8 that folks know about her blog and are actually following it. Later she writes just briefly about Senior Staff questioning the wisdom of blogging during training.(1) Can you truly uncover the deepest parts of yourself, attend to what you find, and communicate to the masses, all without compromising what could be incredible moments of growth? The assumption here is that a Bikram trainee is there to do some tearing down, some self destruction with the hopes that what’s left standing is a better version of her self. Which could only lead to her being a better Bikram teacher. Right? Maybe. I’m guessing that many a trainee has already hit their walls, slayed their demons and lived to train with The Boss.(2)
Tweeting, blogging, late night calls to our loved ones are inevitable precisely because Teacher Training is not boot camp.(3) The Bikram Staff should talk amongst themselves about their thoughts and reactions to the new media.(4) Then, at Teacher Training Orientation, take a minute to let folks share their concerns, assumptions, and as a class, create guidelines of respect for tweeting and blogging. I can’t wait!
1. Can’t find the post. YogaJenn, you out there…… ?
2. Bikram, not Springsteen.
3. Military plebes don’t have access to their phones, computers, friends or family during their training. But, they are paid!
4. And then tweet it.
Not all Friends of Bikram enjoy the Hot Room, but they do their part in spreading the love. Today, I want to thank Christopharii for bringing the new look to Bikram Is Hot! So HoT!
As you know, Bikram yoga practice is no joke. We use phrases like “kill yourself” and “if you die, it’s ok” to set our intention of exploring our outer limits thoroughly and with discipline. Not everyone can hear those phrases without all kinds of judgements popping up, and I am happy to explain the nuances of said statements to my skeptical friends. AND, it is so refreshing to talk to or just overhear the fanatics, the lovers of the Hot Room, singing the praises of the Bikram. So thank-you Twitter for the fabulous search option!
Have you ever heard the new guy muttering about his hair being on fire? Forget meditative, Bikram yoga can be downright hallucinative.
One of my favorite hallucinations happened in rest position after the second set of Dhanurasana. All this fresh blood rushing into my hips made me feel buoyant, like I was floating in water. Then, looking at the side mirror it seemed that my body had slipped below the line of the floor and all that I could see was one eye looking back at the curious girl on her mat. The gaze was what made me think about the alligator, it was formidable. I saw myself the same way I look at any wild animal, with respect. Now that’s HoT.
photo from http://animals.timduru.org
With the toe bone connected
to the foot bone,
and the foot bone connected
to the ankle bone,
and the ankle bone connected
to the leg bone….
Remember that one? Dandayamana JanuShirasana taught me first hand the meaning of that song.
When I first started practicing, I was pretty visibly terrible at Standing Head to Knee. During the first position my chest rested on my knee and when the instructor said suck in your stomach, I was shocked to realize I didn’t have any control over my own stomach. I didn’t have trouble with the balance, but I clearly had some muscles to get in touch with!
The good news is that in just a few days, my upper spine learned to round down, my arms felt longer and I could easily hold my leg in first position with chest and stomach off of my thigh! I was ready to kick out.
And that’s when the childhood song became relevant. Feeling confident, I kicked out only to find that just because I can touch my toes doesn’t mean that I can engage all those thigh muscles and have flexibility of the lower spine and hips. Whoa, If I cheat, I can make that pain across my bottom stop hurting but then my hip starts burning! What to do? Practice right is the best and only way. Just as it took several days for my body to cooperate during the first position, it took several practices until I could keep the weight in the ball of my standing foot, keep my toes flexed back and stomach sucked in!
Now, I use this asana to check in with my Achilles tendon and the backs of my knees. If there is any tenderness I’m going to know it in this asana, which sets my awareness for the rest of my practice. If I’m not experiencing any pains, then I can concentrate on lengthening my spine which allows yoginis to get in to the more advanced position with forehead to knee.
Dandayamana JanuShirasana is a beautiful asana. I suggest checking out http://www.bikramyoga.com for 3 great photos of this asana. The photos are well hidden in the About page under the tab for Asanas and their Sanskrit names.
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